~goes to the gym for 1 week~
me: why aren’t i hot already this is bullshit
Raising a child is like taking care of someone who’s on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad.
“
| — | (via mamaholliday) |
Omfg I was sitting in a room with a bunch of my aunts, uncles and cousins and my grandma had this weird smile on her face so I asked her what was up and she just looked at me and said “everyone in this house is alive thanks to my vagina”
what if the bumps around your nipples were actually braille and everyone had a different message like fortune cookies
